anhedonia:
the inability to feel joy in activities that used to bring joy to a person before.
a symptom of depression, alhamdulillah i have never felt that feeling before. i always find myself sad for less than a day, but then again i haven't lost someone dear to me so far and i do not know how i would react if i did. i don't think a lot of people will read this post as i have not been active for so long.
i have never been in this kind of relationship before, one that needs a lot of give and take. we are asked to live in the present, but for me i am thankful for the past and i hope for the future. the boy whom i knew in the past has become a man, the present is tough and hard but i pray that in the future i will get the person i know so well back. though it might never be the same, i know his core personality, and its there deep inside. i need to have more faith in him, in us.
it is not my judgment to say what someone should/should not do, but it is my duty to be there, at least until someone better replaces me in this position. i can not let this become a distraction to me especially in the vital year to come where we will all become stressed with our final year. people tell me that i don't need to do anything, i just need to be there, but i beg to differ. i need to support, i need to come up with ways to ensure there is no miscommunication, i need to pray to Allah for the best more and i need to not carik gadoh ( which i find is something i'm really good at ). both of us need to find and improve on our flaws and bring up our attributes.
another also said to me that if you can get through this, you can get through anything together. am holding on to that too. i have a lot of support which i'm thankful about, know that this is me telling myself i can do this that things will always get worse before they get better.
this post is for me to remind myself when i get upset, when i lose faith or when i want to give up.
keep ur smile up nuna :)
