please please please..let us all passs

song of the week

someday i'll be living in a big old city

and all you're ever gonna be is mean

someday i'll be big enough so you can't hit me

and all you're ever gonna be is mean

sile terase pada siapa2 yg terase tue, tapi jgn perasan pulak kalau bukan kamu ye :)

another prayer

due to recent events, and i feel so down and depressed that i don't have the encouragement to study:

Ya Allah, please let me FORGIVE others and let OTHERS forgive me. ameen~

mqa

today we finally got the recognition from MQA :)

jama and azmils joy

today at 6.32 pm:

JAMA AND AZMIL BECAME PROUD PARENTS OF A BABY GIRL WEIGHING 3.07kg!!!!

i am SOOOOO FREAAAKKIINNGGG happy!!!!

p/s: saye mahu baby sekarang..

tawakal

But if they turn away, Say: “Allah sufficeth me: there is no god but He: On Him is my trust,- He the Lord of the Throne (of Glory) Supreme!”-Surah Al-Taubah, ayat 129

Ya Allah, i leave my future in Your hands to give the best for me.

decisions

tonight is the last night to decide where we want to spend the next two years of our life as a houseman..recent turns of events, discussions, debates and information seeking has lead me to choose Hospital Tawau, although my seniors have been saying a lot of scary things. my heart however has not settled to this yet..i have istikharah for 2 days now without any meaning and i am going to try again tonite. please pray that i will tetapkan my hati and be satisfied with the decision because i don't want to lose 2 years of my life hating the place i work with the one i love.

Ya Allah, please guide me in choosing a place that will bring the best out of me.

sincerely

went to the Hospital today, clerked a really sad patient.

was not sure whether she was schizophrenic or depressive.

since childhood-abused by grandmother and mother

16 years old-married to a soon to be abusive husband

20 years old-husband left her

25 years old-boyfriend sold her off to prostitution

28 years old-first admission for suicidal attempt

she has lead a sad life. i wish i could do anything to help her

permudahkanlah

i had such a nice dinner that was full of laughter..

haven't had that much fun in quite some time..

it's a wonderful feeling..

i'm very sure..

metaphoric pulak banyak huhu..i've been adding a malay word to my doa, usually its in english..but i've been adding the words " permudahkanlah......" in my doa because i feel the english translation is kinda formal and this word is exactly how i want to describe what i want..plus roi said it to me once and it stuck in my mind ( still keep that sms )

" ya Allah, permudahkanlah jalan kami. please know that everything we do is for You. Please do not let us stray from the correct path and open the hearts of those who keep the doors shut for us. Know that it is time for us to take the next step, open the doors to him and let him be brave to approach our elders."

"ya Allah, forgive my sins, the sins of my family, teachers and those i love. Let all my batch members pass this final hurdle before becoming doctors. Please erase all feelings of laziness, and protect us from being overconfident. Ease the hearts of our examiners and let them be generous in giving us marks and overlook our mistakes. only You may help us"

ameen~

p/s: sudah isi borang penempatan?

blind

i loved you more than you would ever know

a part of me died when i let you go~

- i will see this post in a couple of years and still understand why i wrote this and to whom this post is for -

Mr A A A:

Seems like everybody’s in Batch 2006 wants to become a DR,I wonder how they sleep at night. When the EXAM comes first, And the RESULTS comes second,
Just stop, for a minute and Smile.....You have achieved your dream!

precious. totally precious.

milestone

life starts after we pass our pro 3.

insya-allah

i just found new motivation, or actually motivation came to me finally!

huhu

insya-allah..keep praying ye?

:)

time to shut up?

this weekend is rated 8/10 because i spent it with my family and the ones i love.

on saturday we had a family brunch and then went to see wny at Hospital Ampang. she's going home today alhamdulillah after her WBC increased to 3.2 :) was supposed to teman mama to a kenduri arwah but got stuck in the jam.

on sunday spent the WHOLE day in midvalley with my family! we went shopping ( papa made mama really happy considering she doesn't prefer shopping, so wt he bought for her must be the cause of her bliss ) it was a 30th year anniversary present! we all got something as well, after that we all choose something sweet from M&S, had lunch at Dome and i stayed with Nads to do my hair. the hairdresser was like: ' sayang, kenapa tak jaga rambut' after looking at my freakishly long and stubborn hair and insisted that i do treatment as well. spent 300 on my hair! ( this is my first time ) because i had two treatments, and cut my hair to shoulder length. was treated like a princess in the private room :) but as usual, drama follows me around

one of the hairdryers blew up.

seriously.

the hairstylist got an ugly black mark on her hand, she was crying, i was trying to comfort her with half my hair wet and the other half puffy. it was a sorry sight, and i hope she's ok after one of her friends whisked her off to the clinic. the senior hairstylist Natasha was really professional, recommend it to everyone.

on monday, i went to Opahs for lunch. we had really nice food but aunty ina was not feeling well. we showed off our gifts to Opah which papa gave us and Opah gave me another gift! an heirloom that i am proud to have. it was my moyangs. it's always nice to have good food ( opahs a great cook ) and to be surrounded by my family.

the only downer is that i spent the night at the hospital and i now have a patient that was admitted since the 3rd of Jan. gile x?

lastly, i think i should stop talking about marriage to bugsy now. i'm beginning to freak him out, i hope he doesn't feel pressured coz my family keeps talking about it and i keep telling him. bt what can u expectkn when the whole family knows and the parents approve. yes, i am waiting ( i seem to do a lot of waiting when it comes to him ). he can't do anything about it now, and i should understand his situation ( especially after wt his mom said ). but as long as we both keep praying to Allah, the time will come. and i hope it is soon. it's just that i probably should find someone else to vent all this to, and not him because i don't need to hint it anymore, he has it blasted in his brain. aahhh, the hope that comes with knowing he is the right person is humongous.

as long as he wants it too, i'm happy.

i should really stop pestering him.

should stop talking bout marriage with him.

wait!

not stop

REDUCE. a lot.

can't make promises u can't keep eh?

surgery

this week has been tiring no doubt. i can barely open my eyes.

however, Mr. R and Mr. I have taught us precious bits of knowledge this whole week.

am really thankful to them although i come home with a splitting headache everyday.

osteoarthritis

wokay, so today we formally start the group discussion. todays case was a patient with bilateral knee pain worse on the left. i'l write down what i remember in hopes that all this becomes long term memory.

right.

bilateral knee pain- ask all the relevent questions

any swelling? any deformity?reduced quality of life?wear and tear?NSAIDS?

risk factors-female, fat, workload, past trauma, gout

rule out-morning stiffness+hand joints= RA, diet+toe swelling= GOUT fever+DM= septic arthritis

physical:

gait-deformities ( varus/valgus )-swellings ( rule out bakers cyst )

square pelvis ( shortening )-fixed flexion deformity

knee joint-crepitus-milk patella-examine swelling

range of movement

special tests-varus and vulgus test

sensory, pulses

ix:

blood:

RA-rheumatoid factor, anti-nuclear antibodies,ESR

Gout-uric acid

imaging:

x-ray: knee joint AP and lateral view ( 4signs-osteophytes,subchondral cyst,subchondral sclerosis, narrowing joint space )

negatively bipheringent crystals-rhombus shaped- gout

management:

1. nonpharmacological ( walking stick, rest, lose weight )

2. pain relief ( usually NSAIDS )

3. intra0articular injections ( hyaluronic acid )

4. Joint debribement ( realignment/osteotomy )

5. knee replacement ( bipolar/unipolar )

that's all for tonight. coz we covered one case only. tomorrow ONG!

another patient

as usual, patients teach us a lot. today i have two patients we shall discuss~

one of my patients presented with symptoms suggestive of acute limb ischeamia. he had a sudden episode of throbbing calf pain and he had all the risk factors: IHD, COPD, Hyperlipidemia and when i examined him, his leg was already cold and mottled his posterior tibialis and dorsalis pedis pulses were not palpable anymore.is leg had to be amputated above the knee because the doppler ultrasound revealed a non-viable limb. what touched my heart is the fact that this patient already presented to the ED twice and was misdiagnosed as cellulitis. he was discharged and now, he had to amputate his leg. whilst he was telling me this story, he blinked back tears which made me sad as well. he told me, do not make the same mistake later when i become a doctor.

another patient today was a known case of hepatoma. i didn't get much of the history bt on examination there was a huge mass arising from the liver measuring 19x26 cm ( i wouldn't be suprised if he' called for our exam ). he let each and everyone of us to examine him, there were 8 of us including prof i think.

the lesson i learnt the most is that patients help us A LOT. the first patient gave me a painful reminder thar misdiagnosing a patient can cost him his leg. the second patient reminded me to be nice, such as this pakcik was. he knew there was not much can be done and still found the will to live and help us medical students acquire the experience.

goes to show that these patients were old, helpless and in pain. while we are just too tired,lazy or give excuses when we have work to do and this might cost us a life. alhough we still are medical students, we should do our work diligently at least starting from now coz old habits die hard and we don't want to do anything wrong when we start working. lastly, the problems that we think might be so big, are absolutely minuscule to what our patients might be experiencing. so don't make a big deal out of it. deal with it. do not say "this is who i am, i get moody/irriatated/merajok/bothered/annoyed by a small mistake". only you have the power to change who you are.

this is bull.

almost to the end of MBBS

i just realized something.

i began with surgery

and i'm gonna end with surgery!

hullaballoooooo!!

the surgeon in me is bursting to come out!!!

( poyo gile )

as age goes

my lecturers have told me: learn from your patient, not only when it comes to medical knowledge but as a whole.

this is completely true, i 'm currently doing ostetrics and gynaecology and our gynae ward is the same one as the female surgery ward. because we have a lot of time on our hands, we go 'cruising' through wards as well, meaning we walk through different wards, catch a patient and clerk them exam style for practice and needless to say, we learn a lot from them.

patients present with a variety of symptoms and hints. this week i had a patient with DM type 1 who came with shortness of breath but turns out had atypical pneumonia and pyogenic liver abcess which caused her to get diabetic ketoacidosis. so while we were clerking her, we asked the standard questions - do you have a boyfreind and are u sexually active? turns out that she has one and she is sexually active. i felt it was my duty to advise her, so after my friend left i had a couple of words to say to her. she seemed to take it well enough. then i went to read her notes, turned out that she was raped 2 years ago by someone she knew and this boyfriend is kind of like her savior.

i was appalled to learn about this. how could someone rape a friend/family member? what caused him to be a monster and rape a 14 year old girl? she had to be admitted to repair a tear at her vagina as well. does he not feel any guilt?

then i remembered the other countless patients who came looking religious but had skeletons in their closet.

1. a religious ustaz who turned out had HIV because he played one time with prostitutes

2. a Muslim man who drank alcohol when he was young and had GI bleeding because of cirrhosis once he reached his 60's

3. an abusive father who developed a stroke and could only moan while his children refused to take care of him at the hospital

i guess the conclusion i managed to dig out from all of this is that Allah has many ways to punish us for our sins whether it is immediate, when we are old,or in the afterlife. whatever our sins might be, they will come back to us. so i guess, i shouldn't be angry towards the rapist, because i can be certain that he will get what he deserves.

p/s: my back saket lagi esp tonight. and i seem to be in a foul mood the whole week. got my social-cultural issue which i had discussed and drafted in my head taken, overslept. hasn't been a good week.

sudden post

i realize that currently i take one night off on a school day to do absolutely NOTHING educational.

tonight is one of them. i think i deserve it after not having enough sleep for two days ( but bukan nye tido pon, buang mase )

thot of catching a movie with bugsy. bt he's in the peads clinic in An-nur and he hasn't finished yet while i'm at Kopitiam Bangi!! ( thank god i have my laptop now )

thinking of making peanut butter and jelly cupcakes this weekend :)

proud

i am proud that my batchmates and i have stood up against the management of the college by sending them a petition and doing a peaceful demonstration in front of our lecturers and juniors because we NEED and SHOULD be heard. believe me, we have tried everything else. the next step if they still do not hear us is legal action.

belief

i've fought for what i believed was good for me since i was small:

1. when i was in standard 6, i wanted to go to TKC. my grandmother opposed the very idea of it because she said girl should grow up with their parents. i wrote a note to her and my parents weighing the pros and cons of why i should go. and alhamdulillah, i have never regretted it and my grandmother is proud of me.

2. when i was 18 years old, i told my mother i wanted to be a doctor. she asked me am i sure? she said it will need a lot of commitment, not only mine but our families. i said yes, and that i will never back out. she tried to convince me otherwise until we ended up fighting for a while, but i was adamant. i wanted to become a doctor and insyaallah i will achieve that dream and mama has said she has no regrets on letting be take my MBBS

3. now currently, what i want needs the support of another. but alas, i am not getting the support i need. i have been fighting to make it better, to rekindle whatever that was left in me. but today, i have decided no more. for once, let someone else fight and try to convince me. not with words, but with actions. and for once, i will expect nothing because i am tired, and because i know no matter how much i try and convince, it will have the same conclusion.

kanvas

saya sedang tgk kanvas

we were very good i must say

laughed until i cried

" as you can see, i am enjoying every minute of this"-Prof Hatta :)

p/s: he is a man now :)

edited

we don't know how we got into this mad situation

only doing things out of frustration

trying to make it work but these times are hard

this is Gods test

someone help us coz we're doing our best

i wish we could

sit talking up all nyte

doing things we haven't for a while

smiling but am close to tears

even after all these years

these times are hard

they're making us crazy don't give up on me baby

and i won't give up on u

~kata2 semangat untuk malam ini~

oncall overnight

first oncall overnight at peadiatrics..my blog used to be so much more interesting..hurm, maybe writer's block :)

alls well wit bugsy, thank god!

misery

lelove.blogspot.com

there you go, for your viewing pleasure,what a way to start the last semester.

www.quidnuncandlace.blogspot.com

hurt.

correct,no? sigh, one of those days..

george and dragon cafe

here i am in johor..i spent the day at papas apartment, swept the floor ( yes bugsy! ) and joined papa for lunch at the..

george and dragon cafe

had the set lunch which comprised of crispy chicken chop, fish chowder soup and iced lemon tea which cost us ( papa ) RM 22 and papa had the fish and chips. we shared a blueberry cheesecake and papa had a generous helping of vanilla ice-cream.

the thing i like about this restaurant is that it has the most wonderful english interior. their tables are made from old singer sewing machine tables, they have a real set of knights armour, tapestries and even emblems. i'd definitely recommend my friends to come here anytime! open from 10-11.30pm everyday.

stole the pictures from their website :)

did bring a camera, bt thought i was too jakun to take any pics

website: http://www.georgeanddragoncafe.com/

( papas out for a meeting )

and this is what i look like when i'm bored :)

am currently wearing my new arsenal t-shirt!!!

next stop...UNIVERSAL STUDIOS!!

two days

it is a tradition for me and my adeks to spend New Years together, but last year i couldn't make it was in the kentut wangi phase with bugsy ( still am in this phase ) thus i felt that it was necessary to make it up for 2011.

31st December 2010:

we arrived at the curve at 6pm, wasn't that early? hehe they went to Borders while i looked around, visited Daiso ( i LOVE daiso, though i never actually buy anything there ) and joined them at Borders until 7pm where we went to Ikea, after solat we ate ( the place was already full ) and decided to lepak at Borders again until they closed at 10pm. i couldn't believe they closed at 10 on new years eve, so bad for bussiness. well people were walking and lo behold! bugsy came!!!!! so me and zayd and bugsy joined the other concert goers and jumped to Colby O'donis ( if this is how you spell his name )

EVERYONE WAS SPRAYING EVERYONE WITH SNOWFOAM!!!!

i got 'snowed' so many times, tak ada guna ada lelaki, they are helpless. huhu, at 11.50 we bought nawal and nadiah out to the middle of the concert and boom

FIREWORKSS!!!

1st January 2011:

we got snowed, whole family was snowfoamed. bugsy with all his geramness grabbed one of the cans from nadiah and kenakan them balek :) decided to continue the celebration, so off to ejannes!! joined hana, wny and munan at her house. we gossiped, competed on SingStar and slept at 3. woke up at 11am the next day as usual. went to a cool bakery and came back all bucuk

2nd January 2011:

i swear, if there was such a thing as Santa Claus it would be in the form of papa. we celebrated aunty ina, atuks birthday and my passing the Pro 2 exam at Shang Ri La where we had a buffet lunch :) it was marvelous! we had heluim balloons for the birthday folks and papa bought the stuff he got from London to give to them ( hence the Santa Claus ). they even had musicians sing live for us and though i spent half the morning screaming on how inadequate i felt and how few clothes i own, i fancy i did look nice just now

3rd January 2011:

ICE-SKATING WITH THE CREW!!!!!!!!!

p/s: i have not made any resolutions for this year, i have made them during the Muslim new year. but i do have to add this, i have to stop eating, i have been eating SO much!! and start yoga again ( after ice-skating ) cheers folks