perfect

i have this problem with trusting people, i had it since i was in school. and boys in general have let me down as the years go by. i play the deny game though i like that person, when someone falls for me, i break their heart and i make them suffer. i realized that at the end of the day, my heart gets hurt in return, not theirs. as boys, they move on.

the worse boy that broke my heart was the one who i played hard to get for two years, had my heart for a yr and a half and broke it later. so, wt i have been telling myself over the years was true. that men are bastards. i have heard and seen so many things happen, that i lost faith. that i became destructive later.

pause that, enter this dude. i never thought of him more than a friend, although a close one since we started med school. when we were in 3rd year, we wound up in the same group. i had never met sumone who could read my mind and make me laugh so much. with my fantastic group, it was a brilliant year. i don't know when it started, when i began to like him. in our 4th year, he went through a saddening phase, it changed him thus effecting me too. i was always insecure, i didn't trust him especially since we were not a couple ( and still aren't ). over the years, he has matured into this wise person who is strong on his priorities, puts up with my silliness and is calm towards the many episodes i state that i don't think we would survive.

so recently, after 4 years plus i met the one who broke my heart so bad i carry this scar. when i was about to meet him, i was so scared i was not sure how to act. this was the person i cared about so much bt broke my heart. however, the dude came and helped me face my fear eventhough he had to drive two hours to and fro alone. he specified a very logical explanation to me, that if i really did think of him as i did, i wouldn't be scared to see my ex coz i would be confident that nothing would come between us.

i realized that it's correct. if i really trusted myself, i would not have been scared to see my ex. however it turned out allright. thus after 4 years, i have found the person who made me believe in the opposite sex again, the person who deals with my insecurity wisely and though i still don't know what his plan for us is, i trust him to make the best choice for the both of us.

this is my testimony i guess for all the denial phrases that have come out from my mouth :)