denial

let's talk bout denial shall we.
it took me a year plus to actually look behind the 'mutual understanding' and silence to realize yes i want it but no i cannot trust 100%.
funny that it came during nurkasih but i dun think noone knows.
through all the what if's and doubts which i have and will have the times that i need confrontation and uncertainty.
i guess the underling fact is that i am not sure if it's real. i trust, i believe but i am unsure.
thus i'd prefer to say i don't know rather than face the concequences of getting hurt later.

at the end of the day, as the song goes; convince me that i need this too.

but i can say though, nobody gets me like u do. nobody makes me feel like u do.
we were never meant to be, we just happended but we are inevitable and i thank god for it.

i'm holding on to the dream of u that i had in second year and for the first time everytime i do my final sujud. i actually pray for the best both ways.
u are the BM, insyallah.